A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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