my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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