I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
