so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
