Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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