I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
