I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
