she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
