then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
