i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
