Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
