shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
