I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
