I cannot find my penis.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
