To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
