Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
