I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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