If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
