it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
