everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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