you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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