the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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