then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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