i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
