You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Still dying that you shit outside
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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