my phone needs a breathalizer
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
