oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
