She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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