I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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