I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
