I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
