you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
