So drunk its hurt
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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