If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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