you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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