You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
