I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Having a random hookup so left but love u
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
