sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
