She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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