How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
