I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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