we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
