Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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