I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Buhtt sex?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
NoShamevember. You game?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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