At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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