You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
