I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He? As in you personified your dick?
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
