he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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