yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
