i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
