she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
