I think I died a long time ago.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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